A Strong Coffee: Ambition Is Critical

Friday, 3 April 2015

Ambition Is Critical

I often walked over these words at Swansea station not giving them a second thought. Now they are dwelling on my mind. I am at a crossroads in my life and feeling lost. Friends have moved on. I'm standing still. Stuck in a Groundhog Day of CBeebies and school runs. I have no ambition at the moment. 

I don't know what I want from life.  

I guess you could argue I'm having a mid life crisis. I dreaded the fact I was turning 30 so much that I threw myself out of a plane. Although my 40th is creeping up on me faster than I would like, it strangely isn't the reason. If there is anything that my thirties has taught me, it is that fact that life is unpredictable. You never know what the future holds and that you must grasp and embrace it while you can. The last thing I want is to find myself on my death bed thinking what the hell was all that all about? I would much rather lie there with fond memories than sit there thinking that I had cocked it all up. 

So what now? 

Of that I am not sure. I need to find a purpose. Something that drives me. Returning to teaching is unlikely as my husbands job has to take priority. He works far more hours than I would like and that in combination with lesson planning and parents evenings is a recipe for disaster.

I don't even know where this blog is going at the moment. I lost my voice late last year when my Mother in law was terminally ill and they haven't come back yet. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I like cooking and that has distracted me if nothing else, but it isn't the reason I started blogging so I'm unsure if it will continue. My waistline needs me to stop baking cakes!

So where do I go from here? Answers on a postcard please. (Or a comment as I would love to know what you think.)


rebecca beesley said...

its tough to feel that way. sorry i don't have any advice to give but there are certainly times i feel that same frustration. I feel like i've achieved nothing in the whole day (or whole week) at times and yet I know i have because I am ensuring the kids are looked after and food is on the table etc etc but I still feel i'm not getting anywhere. blogging can certainly be a double-edged sword. In one way being a welcome distraction but in another sometimes there are things that we can't or don't feel up to blogging about. Sometimes the blog just being there adds an extra pressure in itself like it is waiting to be updated and yet when i've managed to write a blogpost, I feel at least I've acheived something. Hope things feel clearer for you soon. We love all your posts whether they are baking ones or not. xxx

Monica Gilbert said...

Try to find something you can do that has a definite end point. Some ideas that have worked for me include free online courses, craft projects (knitting, crochet, sewing, cross stitch), and reading books. They don't have to be difficult (it's better if they're not). The point is to find something you can achieve to give you a bit of an ambition boost. I hope it helps a bit.

Louise Fairweather said...

Good idea to start small. Maybe the distraction of crafting is what I need. Maybe even a bucket list of simple achievable things will set me off in the right direction. Thanks x

Louise Fairweather said...

Thanks x I started blogging to help me be a stay at home Mum and I definitely think its a good thing for my sanity. It probably doesn't help that little man has started pre school and so comes with it the questions of what will you do with your time? I wouldn't do things differently but I do fee like I need more of a 5 year plan xx

Natalie Knight said...

I feel quite similar, I am only 25 so not quite mid life crisis. I don't think it has anything to do with age though. This is a new phase in your life and that can be scary, but you do have time (it seems from the post) to decide. So don't feel like you HAVE to decide, take the pressure off. Like Monica says, do things that interest you but with a deadline and see what comes from there. I do a lot of pinterest searching - quotes, life searches. And that always gets me thinking! My oldest will be going to nursery in January and then I'll just have one at home and that seems incomprehensible!! They just grow so fast.
Whatever you do Louise, be happy. We are here once :)
Thank you for entering my giveaway xxx

Louise Fairweather said...

Aw thank you. It isn't to do with age it is just a point. Last time I felt like this I had big man! Another baby is not the answer now though. I actually find one at home more draining than when all three were - but you probably don't want to know that. Thanks for your comment x

stressymummy said...

I think a lot of people go through this, so don't worry you are not alone. I often have a love hate relationship with my blog and have times when I don't know where I'm going. I think it is good to take a break and see how you feel. As for life, I think it is hard to find yourself when you are a full time mum as life revolves around the children. I have just made the decision to look for a job as I think that now all of mine are at school I need something else in my life again. I hope you find some answers soon