I often walked over these words at Swansea station not giving them a second thought. Now they are dwelling on my mind. I am at a crossroads in my life and feeling lost. Friends have moved on. I'm standing still. Stuck in a Groundhog Day of CBeebies and school runs. I have no ambition at the moment.
I don't know what I want from life.
I guess you could argue I'm having a mid life crisis. I dreaded the fact I was turning 30 so much that I threw myself out of a plane. Although my 40th is creeping up on me faster than I would like, it strangely isn't the reason. If there is anything that my thirties has taught me, it is that fact that life is unpredictable. You never know what the future holds and that you must grasp and embrace it while you can. The last thing I want is to find myself on my death bed thinking what the hell was all that all about? I would much rather lie there with fond memories than sit there thinking that I had cocked it all up.
So what now?
Of that I am not sure. I need to find a purpose. Something that drives me. Returning to teaching is unlikely as my husbands job has to take priority. He works far more hours than I would like and that in combination with lesson planning and parents evenings is a recipe for disaster.
I don't even know where this blog is going at the moment. I lost my voice late last year when my Mother in law was terminally ill and they haven't come back yet. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I like cooking and that has distracted me if nothing else, but it isn't the reason I started blogging so I'm unsure if it will continue. My waistline needs me to stop baking cakes! So where do I go from here? Answers on a postcard please. (Or a comment as I would love to know what you think.)