Where Does The Control End?


Friday 6 February 2015

Where Does The Control End?

My name is Louise and I am a control freak. I am aware of this, know that it isn't the best quality to have, and try my best not to be. I am also a Mother. In my book, being a Mother is a special thing. Your job as such is to help your child(ren) learn how to be good human beings and look after themselves. This is where I get worried. More and more, I am seeing parents controlling the lives of their children rather than teaching them to be independent. I think that it is a fine line between wanting the best for your children and controlling them.

School seems to bring out the competitive and controlling behaviour of parents. Talking about a homework project over the holidays there were jokes about being able to tell which projects had been completed by the children and which by the parents. There are always pushy parents at clubs, probably living out their own dreams of things they wished for when they were younger.

I'm sure you have all seen the response from Mylene Klass about the request from parents to club together a tenner each so Birthday children can have "studious gifts" for their birthday. This upset me for a couple of reasons. Firstly it suggests that whatever you choose to get the children isn't good enough and secondly it is a form of control over what the birthday child is getting. If people ask me what my children would like to get them for their birthday I will give them ideas but I would never dictate to party guests what they should bring. Infact I would love to say "just bring yourself as your presence means more than any present and while we are there, don't expect a party bag because I hate wasting money on the rubbish that goes in them."
The e mail Mylene Klass received came as no shock to me. My sister had it years ago dropping off a friends child to a party. We ourselves have had an invite with an Amazon gift list attached for ideas. This is fine if you want ideas but can be interpreted as controlling. I will hold my hands up, I have been a control freak in the past. I still am a bit with my sister (our house would be filled with giant soft toys from ground to roof if she was left to her own devices.) But, I try not to be. I like gifts from other people as they are usually things I wouldn't buy myself or have not even heard of. 

My biggest worry, however, is where does this control end? I am forever seeing on facebook groups, discussions about what age children should be allowed to walk to school or go into town by themselves. Usually accompanied by some rather damning opinions. Rarely is there consideration into the child's maturity. Then I read an interesting post on micro chipping children.
What is the world coming too?

I grew up in an age where there were no mobile phones. I would finish school and turn up for dinner. My Mum had no idea where I was. I am sure she worried, but she also knew I was sensible. We had trust. What worries me more than anything about this Big Brother, controlling parent situation that seems to be growing, is that trust isn't there. If we as parents are controlling as much of our children's lives as we can, how are we allowing them to grow up? How are we as parents doing our job?

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