The school fete: A time for the community to gather together, celebrate all that is great about their school and part with a ludicrous amount of money in order for their child to win a packet of sweets that can be purchased from the local newsagents for 10p.
Schools fetes are happening up and down the country at the moment raising money for the schools PTA's. Here are my 5 tell tale signs that you have been to a school fete.
1. You have spent your weeks wages trying to win a coconut on the coconut shy. This would make some kind of sense if anyone in your family actually liked coconut. It makes even less sense when you already have one which has been sitting in your fridge for over a week as no one has worked out how the hell you are going to open it.
2. After having spent the last 6 months decluttering all the plastic tat from your home, your kids go and bypass anything half decent on the second hand toy stall and opt for the most useless pieces of small plastic tat possible.
3. Your three year old has a full on arms and legs kicking tantrum as they don't understand the concept that you don't win sweets every time on the sweet tombola.
4. Even though it is hard to find your child at night in amongst the millions of soft toys they own, you supply them money to enter the "name the teddy bear" stall and hope to God that they don't win.
5. Tempted by the numerous bottles of wine on the tombola, you try your luck.
Your luck is in!
You have a winning ticket!
You find yourself heading home with a tin of Heinz soup.
Have you had the school fete this weekend? Did you manage to win the wine?